Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
