Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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