btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
