Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
