How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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