i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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