Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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