marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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