I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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