And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i would one night stand the shit outta him
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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