Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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