I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
