there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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