a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
