It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
