im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize