how can u be prego again
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
