it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
