You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
