Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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