i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
