When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
