It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
