i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
