he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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