I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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