Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
