My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
