I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
