I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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