shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
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It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.