i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet