I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail