Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.