Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.