I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.