All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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