I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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