So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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