i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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