Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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