oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
