Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
