i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
