I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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