I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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