So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
