guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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