its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
