therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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