she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
