I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
