he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
