Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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