Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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