Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
