I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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