I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
