were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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