yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
pray to the hookup gods
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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