so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Small penises have feelings too.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
