Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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