Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
