Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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