He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
